My Culture: An Inquiry

In order to explore issues of family within my culture, I will answer several questions that might further inform the reader and myself about the impact of family issues on my culture. Let's explore, shall we?

1. Who do the members of my culture consider to be part of their family? I would say that typically, family is confined to immediate family, namely sons, daughters, wife, brothers, sisters, mother, and father. However, there is still familial relationships with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews. Most interactions with this extended family is relegated to holiday gatherings and occasional summer gatherings.

2. What are some roles and responsibilities of specific family members? In my family, most roles and responsibilities are delegated, not ascribed. As my wife and I continue to raise our children, with both of us pursuing careers, household responsibilities are broken down and delegated to those that have the time to do those responsibilities - dishes, laundry, mowing lawn, changing diapers, preparing meals, etc. However, my wife is in charge of the finances, as she is much more responsible than I am with our money. I would like to think that my family is fairly progressive when talking about roles and responsibilities. However, my wife and I both come from families that hold more traditional cultural values where the woman is in charge of the household and the man is the breadwinner and takes care of the money.

3. Are family members encouraged to stay in the same house/area as their family after adolescence? I would say that while there wasn't any pressure placed on my siblings and I to stay in the same area as the rest of my family, it hasn't been easy having my siblings scattered all across the country. I have a brother who lives in Washington, a brother who lives with his wife and kid in Idaho, and the rest of my family lives in Minnesota. It has been difficult for my children, as they love their aunts and uncles, but allowing people to pursue their dreams - wherever that may be - has always been a goal of my parents.

4. What are the cultural norms and taboos regarding dating and meeting people with whom I may become romantically involved? Some of the cultural norms and taboos regarding this area typically involve the following: making both sets of parents aware that the date or dating is occurring; formally introducing myself to their parents; no sex until marriage; date within your religious affiliation; the first date should always be in a public place; and the man pays for the date unless otherwise discussed.

5. How are marriage proposals conducted in my culture? Marriage proposals typically involve the man asking the father of his girlfriend for his blessing to ask her for her hand in marriage. There is no system of dowry or monetary exchange, but usually a relationship with the family of the intended fiance has been built prior to the engagement.

6. What is a typical wedding like? A typical wedding is paid for by the family of the bride, where the groom's family pays for a dinner the night before the wedding. The wedding is usually an extravagant affair, usually costing somewhere between $10,000 and $100,000. After the wedding, which usually lasts between a half hour and an hour, there is a dinner and a dance/reception.

7. How do members of the culture view divorce? I think that divorce is becoming more of a normality, as nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. Despite this, I think that divorce is still frowned upon, but not quite as much as it once was. I think that the view of divorce definitely changes depending on the religious background, and also depending on if the person is a woman or a man. If a woman gets a divorce, I think that there has to be a reason such as spousal abuse or cheating, whereas if a man gets a divorce the reasons don't have to be as significant. This points to the fact that men still hold the power and oppressive control over women, despite all progress to the contrary.

8. If divorce occurs, what are the rights of each partner? I am not really sure about this, but I would stand by my previous statement and say that men still seem favored in divorce settlements, since our culture still hasn't completely overcome the unwarranted privilege granted to white males. This privilege means that men who get divorced are still seen as the breadwinners and entitled to the majority of the family's money. Additionally, even if the man has cheated on the woman, the trial usually looks at what the woman did to make her husband resort to cheating. This shows that sex roles and rights within my culture are still far from equal.

9. I think that while homosexuality has become more accepted, as long as it is called homosexuality it will still perpetuate the stigma attached to it. Since the term "homosexuality" was first coined by scientists who labeled this "condition" as a disease, the use of this term will continue to be a term of oppression. Despite great strides in gay rights, there is still a large part of my culture that views homosexuality as a sin, and this stems from my culture's strong reliance of their religious beliefs that relationships should be between men and women only.

10. How are the general perspectives of this culture the same/different from yours regarding gender roles? I would say that by and large I have separated myself from most of the cultural values I grew up with. I no longer believe that men and women have specific assigned roles, or that any one gender trait should be ascribed to men or women. Men don't need to be aggressive, or animalistic. Women don't need to be submissive and weak. Challenging these gender roles is key to dismantling the gender hierarchy and making the world a safer and more equal place for all people. Not only do I value people based on their own unique abilities and perspectives - not their race, sex, or gender stereotypes - but I also feel that I have developed new perspectives on sexual orientation, gender fluidity, and gender roles in general.

Overall, I feel that while we each attach ourselves to various cultural traditions, it is also important to challenge our cultural traditions to make sure that systems of oppression or prejudice do not become entrenched in our values and beliefs.

Questions:
1. Have you developed values or beliefs that are contrary to or different from your family's traditional cultural values and beliefs?
2. How have these differences been accepted/rejected by your family?