I know this is probably not a typical transition discussed in a college class, but my divorce was one of the more significant transitions I have had in my life. When I was twenty, I thought that I needed to follow in my parents' footsteps, and as they had married when they were twenty, at the time I thought that was something that was necessary for me as well. I had been dating my girlfriend at the time for nearly two years, and in my still adolescent mind I saw marriage as the next logical step. However, this plan to mimic my life after my parents just because they seemed happy could not have been farther from the correct life choice. Six months after we were married, our relationship rapidly dissolved as we were both still quite unsure of our life goals or even our own identities, and within a year's time we were separated and then divorced. I don't regret this foolish misadventure, as my life was definitely changed because of it, and the transition from adolescence to adulthood was made all the more important because of this event. I not only transitioned from adolescence to adulthood, but I also transitioned from living my life by my parents' ideologies to living by my own set of ideologies. I learned from this experience that everyone has their own unique path, and doing something you don't know if you are ready for just because you think it will make your parents proud is probably a bad idea.
I feel that this transition in my life helped make me who I am today, and also made me more sensitive and aware of my own feelings and philosophies regarding marriage, religion, gender, and the familial relationships. I am now happily married, according to my own independent decision that the time was right for ME. Transitions sometimes happen is subtle ways; they also happen in ways that may leave you spiralling in cognitive dissonance. The important thing to remember is this: don't take these transitions for granted; transitions are opportunities for growth; learning from these transitions will make you better prepared for whatever life throws at you, whether it be love, marriage, divorce, or anything else. Personal progress may be difficult, but spinning your wheels can only get you so far before you're up to your neck in muck.
Questions:
1. Have you had to deal with divorce in your life in some way?
2. How did this serve as a transition for you?
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I have not had to deal with divorce in my life, at least as of yet. Yet I know some who have, and observing their experiences have taught me much. A relative's divorce showed me that marriage is not a step to be rushed, and it isn't something to let sit. It needs constant work, and when both people are burnt out, it's not worth sticking together and being unhappy. This transition is still unfolding for them, and it seems the negative impact is finally ebbing. Transitions are much better handled with a support system for the individuals involved.
ReplyDeleteI have not personally had to deal with divorce in my life. However, both of my boyfriends sisters have been divorced. They (like you) got married when they were young thinking that that was the next step in their relationship. One of his sisters became pregnant shortly after they were married. However, when she told her husband that she was pregnant he told her that he wanted a divorce - that he was in love with someone else.
ReplyDeleteI dealt with divorce when I was only a couple years old with my parents. I didn't really know too much about what was going on since I was so young but the transitions end with me living in Wisconsin while my dad remained in Oregon. It wasn't really easy either since I knew something was going on but I was unaware of the actual situation. However things have changed greatly since then, I have grown and know that it was something that happened in which I couldn't control.
ReplyDeleteI have not dealt with divorce personally. My boyfriend has however. Since we have been together his mom went through her second divorce. It made things hard for him because he had to adjust to going to each seperate house for visits since he no longer lived with any of them. He got used to it quickly but there was a transition time.
ReplyDeleteI, luckily, have not had to deal with divorce personally. My parents are still together, my brother hasn't gotten married, my boyfriends parents are together, as well as all of my grandparents, and my boyfriends grandparents. This gives me hope for the future. However, my aunt got divorced within the past couple years. My family is pretty small, so this affected us all. She was in a very poor relationship and was not being respected, so overall this was definitely a GREAT decision, but it still was hard for her, losing the man she truly did love at one point. It is hard being apart and the little things like moving, finding a new job, splitting the house contents, etc. were the hardest parts I think. I hope I never have to experience something like that and I am glad she has recovered and used this experience as a learning point.
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